"Forgive me", he pleaded " I know I have sinned. I know not if she has memory of it for I am eternally haunted by it, how do I ask for forgiveness for a sin she has no memory of? How do I gain peace knowing it was my sin which brought pain to her? How? Is this my punishment? To forever be in the grief of knowing that she does not know anymore?" He fell to his knees after he uttered these words, tears rolling down his cheeks, sweat on his brows and sheer pain on his face. He then kept repeating them for days and days in hopes that someday, someone would tell him what to do to find his peace, for he had all the worldly pleasures but was still poor and had all the happiness but was still miserable. Miserable and lonely, beyond contempt.
He hadn't learned to read or write, but he learned enough from the world. He wasn't smart or good looking or anything that a girl would deem as 'desirable' but he had a heart, one that was turned to stone by the ways of life and everyone around him, maybe that is why he sinned. His sin was not big enough for him to live in misery for the rest of his life, it's what came back to him that hurt the most. The words that came from those who he loved beyond words pierced his heart like arrows with a poison head. His actions led to his own demise and he himself was the cause of his pain. What he did out of pride got him to his knees, begging for mercy of the person whom he wronged. Usually people make mistakes, his mistakes made him. He was not seen for who he was, he was seen for his mistakes. His past was what defined him now, his mistakes his identity, his sins his reality and misery, his fate. When a person is shot, 2 people die, the person who got shot and the person who pulled the trigger.
There was pain in his eyes, there was remorse in his words but he did not stop. He brought about as many smiles as he could, made people as happy as he could even at the cost of his own misery for the one smile he broke. He always said, " People tend to find peace in parties, I find my peace in books and bringing smiles and so I shall continue to do so until my debt is cleared", surprised as I was, I summed up courage and asked him "What debt are you referring to?" "The one I owe her, the sin that still haunts me" "Really? She has even forgotten about it, so has everyone, then why?", he just smiled and said, "Why? That's because whenever this topic comes up, I have to hide my face in shame, the day I do not have to hide my face is the day my debt will be cleared and I might stop helping people, until then, it's me and my peace". I could never find the courage to question him again after that, neither did I ever see him upset, he always had a little smirk on his face, even in uncertain times, but I knew he would never be the same. He had been broken enough to know how bad it hurts so he never wanted to put anyone at the receiving end of this deal called 'life'. "Everyone is in pain, some just hid it better than the others", a great actor once said that. He always hid the pain or maybe he was truly one of those unselfish beings who actually smiled after helping another. Maybe. Maybe not...
He hadn't learned to read or write, but he learned enough from the world. He wasn't smart or good looking or anything that a girl would deem as 'desirable' but he had a heart, one that was turned to stone by the ways of life and everyone around him, maybe that is why he sinned. His sin was not big enough for him to live in misery for the rest of his life, it's what came back to him that hurt the most. The words that came from those who he loved beyond words pierced his heart like arrows with a poison head. His actions led to his own demise and he himself was the cause of his pain. What he did out of pride got him to his knees, begging for mercy of the person whom he wronged. Usually people make mistakes, his mistakes made him. He was not seen for who he was, he was seen for his mistakes. His past was what defined him now, his mistakes his identity, his sins his reality and misery, his fate. When a person is shot, 2 people die, the person who got shot and the person who pulled the trigger.
There was pain in his eyes, there was remorse in his words but he did not stop. He brought about as many smiles as he could, made people as happy as he could even at the cost of his own misery for the one smile he broke. He always said, " People tend to find peace in parties, I find my peace in books and bringing smiles and so I shall continue to do so until my debt is cleared", surprised as I was, I summed up courage and asked him "What debt are you referring to?" "The one I owe her, the sin that still haunts me" "Really? She has even forgotten about it, so has everyone, then why?", he just smiled and said, "Why? That's because whenever this topic comes up, I have to hide my face in shame, the day I do not have to hide my face is the day my debt will be cleared and I might stop helping people, until then, it's me and my peace". I could never find the courage to question him again after that, neither did I ever see him upset, he always had a little smirk on his face, even in uncertain times, but I knew he would never be the same. He had been broken enough to know how bad it hurts so he never wanted to put anyone at the receiving end of this deal called 'life'. "Everyone is in pain, some just hid it better than the others", a great actor once said that. He always hid the pain or maybe he was truly one of those unselfish beings who actually smiled after helping another. Maybe. Maybe not...
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